


To have and to hold

by onescoupaday



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Eventual Romance, M/M, Smut, im going to regret not making this a oneshot, jeonghan so clingy, pretty cannon that theyre touchy all the time, professional cuddler, seungcheol hugs are the best, tw: anxiety, tw: insomnia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:01:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25915537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onescoupaday/pseuds/onescoupaday
Summary: Where Jeonghan is touch-starved and Seungcheol gives the best hugs.OrSeungcheol is a professional cuddler and Jeonghan accidentally signs up for his service.
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan
Comments: 19
Kudos: 313





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I’m supposed to be working on the housemate au....

Jeonghan didn’t think it was serious.

Not at all.

That’s why he stands there observing— no- studying this man who rang his doorbell at 9pm claiming he’s the one he hired to be his “professional cuddler”

Jeonghan at first, of course, was bewildered. He had filled up the stupid form last night thinking it was nothing but a hoax. After all, who even in their right mind would cuddle people for a living?

Well apparently, this stranger does.

“Uhm, so are you going to let me in?” The stranger— who Jeonghan had noted is ridiculously handsome, asks as he shifts his weight from one foot to another while he tucks his hands in his pocket. Jeonghan didn’t budge as he stands with his arms crossed over his chest. He scans him again, head to foot, just for good measure. “What did you say was your name again?”

“Seungcheol. Choi Seungcheol. And you are…” he looks at his phone. “Mr. Yoon Jeonghan.” He ends it with a blinding smile. Jeonghan wondered how someone is able to produce a smile as bright as that— and it even looked genuine. He can’t relate.

But he also wondered why this Choi Seungcheol, who is ridiculously good looking (he felt the need to say that again), hasn’t fallen on his knees yet at the presence of the almighty Yoon Jeonghan. He actually looked rather… clueless. _Does he not recognize me?_ Jeonghan thought to himself as he unknowingly glares at the other man whose smile is now a forced one— highlighting his dimples.

Cute.

But nope.

“You can go.” He nonchalantly says as he steps back and moves to close the door on the other’s face. He caught a glimpse of Seungcheol’s panicked face and was surprised when he stopped the door with force. “What’s wrong, Mr. Yoon?” When Jeonghan gazed in his eyes, his orbs didn’t reflect anger, but more like— confusion… even despair. “Am I not good enough?” His voice even cracked. He sounded so broken.

Jeonghan was taken aback but he didn’t let his face show his emotion— something he’s very good at— “Please leave. I had sent in the form by mistake.” Then he tries to close the door again but Seungcheol just wouldn’t step back. “Mr. Yoon, please, sir. I really need this job.” Then he looked as if he was contemplating something. “How about this sir? I’ll give this session for free. Just… just try me out I promise i’m good at what I do!”

Jeonghan would be stupid to even consider it.

But he lets Seungcheol in anyway.

Jeonghan hesitantly led him to his living room(like who even does that and he’s sure Seokmin, his manager, would be out for his head if and when he finds out he let someone in this easily) and he saw Seungcheol’s mouth drop as he took in the surroundings. From what it looks, it seems the other man does not know him at all.

“Since it’s our first session, you might be uncomfortable to do it on the bed.. so would you like to try doing it on the couch for now?” Seungcheol sounded all business as he drops his bag on Jeonghan’s (expensive) couch.

“Do what?”

“Cuddling. Hugging— touching. Or anything that can calm you down and help you to sleep.”

“So you really hug people for a living?”

Seungcheol lets out a somewhat shy laugh as he scratches the back of his head. “I know it sounds ridiculous, but a lot of people are actually into this.” Then he follows it with “don’t worry, im not a creep or anything. I’m a professional and i’ll do everything to make you feel comfortable around me. So couch or bed?”

“Couch… I guess.”

“Okay!” Then Seungcheol takes his bag again. “But do you mind if I use your shower? I actually ran going here so i’m a little sweaty.”

Jeonghan had no choice but to lead him to the bathroom. Once he heard the shower turn on, he ran for his phone and set the police hotline to speed number— you know, just in case.

Seungcheol didn’t take long in the shower. When he emerged- his hair all damp and him wearing only a cotton white shirt and pajamas, Jeonghan couldn’t even look away. And he’s supposed to be the breathtaking one here.

“Alrighty. Are you ready?” Seungcheol smiled at him. Jeonghan took a deep breath and nodded. “Great! Now, in order for us to establish your comfortability, would it be okay to call you by your first name?” Jeonghan nodded again. “Awesome, so Jeonghan..” there’s something about the way his name rolled off Seungcheol’s tongue. The other man sat down comfortably on the couch, his left hand patting the space beside him, signaling for Jeonghan to sit down. The latter, although hesitant, did as told, making sure to at least keep a few inches gap in between them. “Now, im going to touch you okay? You can tell me if it’s making you uncomfortable..” and Seungcheol draws in his words as his left hand travel from Jeonghan’s lower back then up to his nape and slides in to his shoulder. “That okay?” Seungcheol asked, studying his expression. Jeonghan just nodded. “Good. Now we’re going to lean back and i want you to know it’s okay to fall into my arms, alright? You’re safe here with me..”

Jeonghan shoots him a look. “I know im safe here. It’s my house.” Seungcheol looked like it took sometime for him to process that. “No— I mean, yes of course you’re safe here. I’m just saying, you’re safe here… with me. I’m a safe space.” Jeonghan still had that suspicious look on him but a gentle tap and then a hover on his arm and he feels himself leaning back into Seungcheol’s awaiting arms. “That okay?”

“Are you going to ask me that with every move you make? I feel like a child.” Jeonghan commented. Seungcheol had noted his new client has quite the temper.

“It’s part of the process. When I was reviewing the form you sent, you had specified that you’re not really comfortable with people touching you. I’ve tailored this session to fit your needs basing on what you had shared with me.” And that had Jeonghan shut up so Seungcheol took the opportunity to ask him again, “is this okay?” Jeonghan didn’t reply but allowed himself to sink into Seungcheol’s embrace. It’s warm.. the good kind of warm. Jeonghan sniffed a familiar scent. Eucalyptus and Mint. “I hope the smell isnt too strong. I’m typically a musk guy but you had said you like mint so that’s the body wash I used.”

Jeonghan looked up at him. “What are you, a walking spa?” Seungcheol just laughed softly.

After allowing Jeonghan some time to get used to him, Seungcheol started a conversation again. “So how was your day?”

“Do I need to tell you everything?”

“Only what you’re comfortable sharing.” He can feel Seungcheol’s breath on him and the steady rise and fall of his firm chest. “Today was hectic as usual. Everybody was annoying.”

“How so?”

“They’re just… everywhere..” Seungcheol felt Jeonghan take a deep breath. “I’m so tired of having so many people around me all the time.. and them wanting something from me.”

“Like what?”

There was silence from Jeonghan’s end and Seungcheol took it as a sign that the latter isnt quite ready to discuss that yet. So he transitions to another topic, “What do you enjoy doing, Jeonghan? What is relaxing for you?”

“Staying at home.. I havent had that luxury since I started working. Some days I just want to say fuck it and shut the curtains and not let anyone in.” Jeonghan then feels a hand on his head.. gently threading through his blonde locks. He didn’t even notice Seungcheol had started touching him there. “You don’t know me, do you?”

“Honestly? No. But I have a feeling you’re someone special.. someone important.” Then he continued “But when you’re with me it doesn’t matter.. you’re just you. You’re who you want to be.” Jeonghan found comfort in those words. Finally. A place where he doesn’t need to pretend. Unconsciously, he sank deeper into Seungcheol’s embrace and now his hand is caressing his head and then down to the side of his ear. Jeonghan wanted to purr.

He waited for Seungcheol to speak again but all he heard were steady breaths. Seungcheol continued to caress him as his head is buried on the crook of the other’s neck. Finally feeling the weight of his eyelids, Jeonghan allowed for sleep to finally come.

When he woke up around 2am, he found himself settled on the bed and his earlier companion gone. A note was stuck on his bedside lamp: ‘You did so well Jeonghan. Have a good sleep. Let me know when you make a decision.’

Well it was obvious what his decision is, isnt it? The professional cuddler is pretty effective.

—

Seokmin is fuming.

Apparently, the condominium guards had reported to him about his late night visitor. “What if the tabloid gets hold of this information??? What are you going to do then? You’re already in hot seat since the issue with your co-star, Jeonghan you cant afford another scandal.” Jeonghan gets him. He really does. But sometimes he just wants Seokmin to shut up.

“Who is that man even? What is his name? I need to do a background check—“

“Seok, chill.” Jeonghan cuts him. “He’s harmless. In fact… I think he might be able to help me.”

“Help you with what?”

“With my insomnia. You know how I havent had proper sleep in months. He helps with that.”

“Ahhhh— so he’s a psychologist??”

Jeonghan hadnt thought of him that way… but “Yeah, I guess you could say he is.” Then he remembered how Seungcheol smelled last night. “And a walking spa.” He added with a soft giggle. “Can you please instruct the guards to let him in immediately when he arrives? I’m planning to hire him permanently.”

Seokmin shot him a knowing look. “Please tell me this is purely professional and not another dating scandal Jeonghan…”

“It is. It’s just to help with my sleep and other stuff. Nothing romantic.” _Yet_.

Now that Seokmin had calmed down, he just has to go through three days of chaos aka filming days. Three days until he gets to see his own professional cuddler again.

—

Seungcheol found himself back in Jeonghan’s suite. He wouldn’t deny that the first few days after the “trial” he was scared that Jeonghan wouldn’t sign up. Thankfully, three days later, he received a message asking him to come over to discuss terms. Yes. Finally he can pay his bills.

“I did a research on you.” He says as soon as Jeonghan settled on the chair opposite him. “Don’t worry, i’m not going to tell a single soul.”

“You better not.” Jeonghan says as he sips on his tea. “But just for good measure, I had a contract drafted to make sure we’re on the same page.” He pointed at the brown envelope sitting on top of the table. Seungcheol reaches out for it and was about to open it when Jeonghan cut him off, “Why did you leave that night? I woke up and couldn’t sleep anymore.”

“Sorry, I forgot to tell you that we work on limited hours. 5 hours per session.”

“And how much is that?”

“120,000 won.”

Jeonghan hummed and took another sip. “Good then, the amount in the contract I think would suffice for unlimited hours.” Then he nods at Seungcheol to open the envelope. Seungcheol almost fainted.

“750,000 won???”

“I don’t like sharing.”

“This is too much.”

“I know.” Jeonghan presses his lipa together. “Which is why you need to do good so I get my money’s worth.” Seungcheol shifted uncomfortably on his seat. “You’re not playing me, are you?” He asked and Jeonghan saw his suspicions through his eyes. He looked a little teary eyed too. And to say he didn’t even offer that much.

“Just assure me that you will not leave until I say you can. And wherever I go, you go. You will get an additional pay whenever we have to go out of town or overseas and I need you to always have a bag ready just in case. You will get paid weekly including bonuses or additional allowances. Having said all that, if in any case I don’t think the program is working, I can terminate the contract as I see fit. You must also swear confidentiality. If any news of this arrangement between us is leaked to the media, then you will be asked to pay 10x your monthly salary for damages. The rest you can review before you sign.”

Seungcheol eagerly scanned the documents then reached for the pen and signed the papers without as much as a second thought. He looked up and saw a smiling Jeonghan. “Congratulations, you’re hired.”

Jeonghan then stood up and went to the living room. He looked over his shoulder when he noticed Seungcheol had not gotten up. “Look at you already wasting my money. Get up and cuddle me on the couch.”

Seungcheol hurriedly stood up, even hitting his leg on the table in the process, but in no time, he’s beside Jeonghan. “I think I have to wash up first.” He said. Jeonghan leaned towards him and took a sniff. “It’s okay. You smell fine.”

“Wait let me at least change my shirt.” He bent down to get his shirt from his bag and Jeonghan expected him to run to the bathroom but instead, he took off his shirt right there and then, with his back facing Jeonghan and good God did Jeonghan felt the need to gulp. Why does his back muscles have to flex like that?

Unfortunately, Seungcheol was quick on putting on his new shirt and Jeonghan had to look away before the other man can notice he was looking. Seungcheol plopped himself on the couch and looked expectantly at Jeonghan.

They sat like they did the first time. Jeonghan, a little uncomfortable at first and Seungcheol a little too careful.

“Tell me something about yourself.” Jeonghan starts. Seungcheol laughs softly “There really isnt anything to tell.”

“Tell me anyway. I’d like to know you.”

“You don’t like talking about yourself, do you?” Jeonghan is happy that Seungcheol is quick to understand. “Everyday everyone wants to know everything about me. For once i’d like to know someone.”

Seungcheol hummed. “Okay, but first, let’s try a new position.” Jeonghan raised a questioning brow at how suggestive that sounded. Honestly, he had wondered why Seungcheol is making him think things. He’s not even usually a sexual person. “Come lie your head on my lap.” Jeonghan obliged and found this new position actually comfortable (seriously, Seungcheol’s thighs feel like cushion) and he looks up to meet the other man’s smiling face. “How’s this?”

“I feel like a baby.” Was his dry reply (although he actually liked feeling like a baby but of course he will not say it out loud.) and he was about to say another snarky remark when he suddenly felt Seungcheol’s delicate fingers caressing his cheek. That— and how softly Seungcheol is looking at him right now had caused the words to fade away.

“So you want to get to know me huh? I have to warn you I think you will fall asleep not because it’s relaxing but because I, outside of this job, am actually boring.”

“Just as long as I get to sleep.” Jeonghan says. “Now story time.”

“Alright, well, i’m an orphan. I had foster parents when I was around 8 or 9 but they brought me back to the orphanage when I turned 15 because they moved to another country and didn’t think i’m worth bringing over. At 18 I had to be on my own as per house’s rules so i’ve been living paycheck after paycheck ever since. I didn’t graduate highschool. I had done almost all laborious jobs out there. In fact I still work in a restaurant as a server. That’s why I had to leave during our first session because the restaurant work starts at 5am. My everyday routine is pretty much just work and squeezing sleep as much as I can.”

“I thought my life was depressing.” Jeonghan commented. “Im sorry you went through all that.”

“Nah, it’s okay. I get by. It does get lonely but sometimes im too busy to even feel.”

“Yeah.. I know what you mean.”

Seungcheol then bring his hand to stroke Jeonghan’s hair. “Did nothing fun happen to you? At all?”

Seungcheol smiled bitterly. “I was too busy trying to survive to even care about having fun. Highschool— or what I had of it— was quite fun though. I met a few good friends. I almost got a scholarship because of soccer but right before the casting game, my foster parents had me pulled out from the team and returned to the orphanage.”

“Remind me to have a one on one game with you some time.”

“You play too??” There’s an excited glint in Seungcheol’s eyes. “We totally should. It could be our thing, you know?”

“That sounds intimate.”

Seungcheol giggled. “There’s nothing intimate about soccer.”

“So you’re quitting the restaurant job, right?”

“Seems like it. I’m scared though.” Seungcheol bit his lip. “This whole arrangement with you.. it’s all exciting and new but what if… what if one day you realize you can sleep pretty well without my help.” Their eyes locked longer than it should and Jeonghan realized it so he looked away. “I’m more fucked up than you think. I doubt that time is coming soon.” Then he glared at Seungcheol. “But you better do well, you hear me? Or i’m pulling out of the contract and you’ll be poor again.”

“Ouch.” Seungcheol laughed.

Jeonghan realized he liked Seungcheol’s laughter. Which is odd because he hated everyone else’s.

Seungcheol moved on to lighter topics and Jeonghan found himself finally dozing off. The other man’s voice (and how he laughs with just about everything) seemed like a pretty good lullaby. Well that and the way Seungcheol is caressing his head.

The next time he opened his eyes, he was still in Seungcheol’s lap (his head, that is) and he noticed the older man had fallen asleep too. Head tipped backwards, lips parted slightly— he’s even snoring softly too. Jeonghan made sure to move gently as to not wake Seungcheol. He stood up and observed the other man. Seeing him like this now, he did look worn out. He’s probably as exhausted with life as Jeonghan is. So he decided Seungcheol can rest. Which is weird because Jeonghan hates seeing other people rest when he is not.

When Seungcheol woke up after about two hours, Jeonghan was glaring at him from the other side of the couch. “Sleeping on the job, I see.”

-

“Seok, sit at the front.” Jeonghan says as he crossed his arm. “But—“ the manager contradicted. “Seungcheol is sitting with me, now move.” And Seokmin wasn’t able to do anything. He glares at this Seungcheol guy as he exits the van. Jeonghan taps the seat beside him and Seungcheol mumbles an apology as he passes Seokmin.

With everyone settled in and the car moving, Seokmin began their everyday routine. “Busy day today, Jeonghan. Photoshoot at 8-11, script reading from 1-4, contract signing with the new brand at 4:30 and then rehearsal from 6-10.”

Seungcheol is overwhelmed. Jeonghan does that much in a day?? He glances at the artist and sees him biting his bottom lip. So he extends his hand and at first, Jeonghan is hesitant to take it but he did anyway. Seungcheol grips it lightly, gives it a little squeeze and caresses Jeonghan’s thumb with his. He hears him sigh and holds him tighter. “You better hold my hand like this all the time from now on.” Jeonghan whispers to him. He smiles and nods. _Not a problem._

-

It is exhausting.

“But that wasn’t part of the agreement, why are you making him do something he’s not comfortable with?” Seokmin argues with the producer.

“It’s just a little show of skin! He’s a grown man, what’s so wrong with that?”

“But why are we not informed about it? It’s not even in the script!”

Jeonghan just sits there with his eyes closed.

Seungcheol is internally panicking.

“You know how sometimes, writers change their minds when they see a change in the scene will make it better. It’s just a couple of seconds I don’t know why you’re making a big deal out of it.” The producer is clearly losing his patience. But Lee Seokmin is Lee Seokmin and he’ll fight to the grave for Yoon Jeonghan.

“I told you we’re not—“

“Enough!!” Jeonghan finally snaps. “Everyone get out!”

“Jeonghan..” Seokmin approaches him.

“Yes, even you, Seok. Just let me be for a few minutes.” Seokmin gestures for everyone to exit. Seungcheol stands and is about to make his way to the door when Jeonghan says “Not you. You stay, Cheol.” Seokmin sees the make up artist and stylists exchanging looks and he inwardly curses. If news of this comes out, Jeonghan will be attacked again. But he exits the room anyway and chooses to settle the conflict with the producer without Jeonghan’s presence.

Jeonghan drags Seungcheol to the couch and sits with him. “Hug me.” He says and Seungcheol does it in an instant. To his surprise, Jeonghan hugs him back(for the first time). “I’m doing this for maximum effect. I’m extremely anxious right now.”

“It’s okay, Hannie. I’ll hug you for as long as you like.” Then he thought of something. “Would you like to sit on my lap?” Jeonghan doesn’t move at first, seems to be considering but when he does, he straddles Seungcheol’s lap and attaches himself back to him. Seungcheol lets out a chuckle.

“You wanna talk about it?”

“They want me to show some skin because the ratings are dropping.”

“And it’s something you’re uncomfortable about?”

Jeonghan hums. “That and touching other people.”

“I see. Then you should say no.”

“They already see me as a diva if I do that, i’ll end up on the producer’s bad side.”

“But if you do then it’s something you’ll have to live with for a long time, especially since it’s going to be on film.” Seungcheol caresses his back. “It’s okay to say no sometimes Hannie. You have to prioritize yourself and take care of yourself. If doing something makes you uncomfortable then you should say no.”

It’s the first time someone has told him it’s okay not to please everybody.

-

Jeonghan is out of this world, Seungcheol cannot even bring himself to deny that. He’s the most attractive person he’s seen and contrary to what other people think of him, he’s actually surprised at how kind and considerate he can be.

He’s also happy that he somehow has grown really comfortable with him. Jeonghan doesn’t hesitate anymore whenever he touches him. They hold hands whenever, wherever (as long as Seokmin thinks it’s safe to) and they’re pretty much latched at each other at every given opportunity. Jeonghan gets anxiety pretty often and when that happens, he immediately looks for Seungcheol and the tightness around his chest somehow goes away.

While Seungcheol is beyond glad that the therapy is working, sometimes it’s just _hard_.

Well Jeonghan is attractive.. and sometimes when he sits on his lap he just— he unknowingly wiggles and it’s just— _hard_. Sometimes, Seungcheol thinks he does it on purpose. He settles to counting sheep to make those thoughts go away. 

He’s never counted so many sheep before.

-

A month into their agreement, Seungcheol finds himself almost not being able to go home. Jeonghan’s schedule is crazy.

One night, after coming from filming, Jeonghan got rid of Seokmin early and had instructed him to leave him alone for the rest of the night and the following day (his day off, a miracle.) So there they are, standing side by side in the elevator. Jeonghan had slept pretty much the whole ride that’s why he’s a little groggy and stumbles from time to time.

“Do you want me to carry you?” Seungcheol offers. Jeonghan’s sleepy eyes met his and the blonde man whispers a weak “Yes.”

Seungcheol carries him bridal style and manages to get him on his bed. Then as he pulls away, Jeonghan catches his wrist and says “Stay.” Seungcheol was surprised. While Jeonghan has grown very comfortable with him for the past few weeks, they haven’t actually cuddled in bed. “Are you sure Hannie?” He asks him.

“I’m sure I want to sleep well tonight so you better get in here fast.” And when he did, he was sure he heard Jeonghan _giggle_.

Jeonghan rarely does.

“But uh—“ Seungcheol hesitates. “I cant really sleep with my clothes on..”

Jeonghan just stares at him. “Then take it off.” He says nonchalantly.

“Are you sure you’re okay with—“

“Seungcheol i swear if you don’t get in within the next few seconds i—“

“Okay okay..” Seungcheol slips hurriedly off his shirt and pants. Jeonghan pretended not to look but good lord is Seungcheol packed.

“Is this okay?” Seungcheol asks as he wraps an arm around Jeonghan’s middle. The latter nods and sighs and even brings himself closer with his back facing Seungcheol. “Hug me tight, Cheollie. I want to sleep well.” He mumbles. Seungcheol does that and in minutes, had Jeonghan puffing air from his slightly parted mouth. Seungcheol thinks his little snores were kinda _cute_.

When Jeonghan wakes up the next day, he feels warm all over. Especially on his nape with Seungcheol breathing against his skin.

He lets the feeling linger, lets himself savor the feeling of having Seungcheol’s huge firm arms around him and his broad chest against his back.

Seungcheol stirs in his sleep and brings him closer and that’s when Jeonghan felt it— felt _him_.

Seungcheol was mindlessly humping him in his sleep and his erection is pressed up on his back.

Jeonghan is fully awake now.

Seungcheol nuzzles closer and Jeonghan feels his plump lips on his nape sending chills down his spine.

Jeonghan is refusing the urge to grind against Seungcheol but when the other man intertwines their legs he just _couldn’t_.

While yes there have been many times when the sexual tension between them has presented, this is the only time he’s actually wanted (so bad!) to act on it. Seungcheol is an extremely attractive person and it’s been so long since he was last touched so—

“Hannie..” Seungcheol’s raspy voice on his ear. “We shouldn’t..”

“Yeah.. we shouldn’t..” Jeonghan says back but grinds at him anyway. Seungcheol grips his hip. “This isn’t very professional..” Seungcheol grunts.

“We’re still outside working hours so this doesn’t count.” Jeonghan reasons. “But if you don’t want to we can definitely stop.”

Seungcheol doesn’t say anything but instead envelopes Jeonghan’s middle and pulls him closer so he can grind on him better. Jeonghan melts into his touch.

“You’re so exquisite, Hannie..” Seungcheol whispers as his hand delves in beneath Jeonghan’s shirt. “Is this okay?”

“Yes..” Jeonghan hissed as he felt Seungcheol rubbing his tummy, drawing slow circles from his stomach up to his chest and lightly grazing on his nipple.

He feels Seungcheol’s other hand snake down to his thigh, kneading his tensed muscles. “So, so beautiful.” His hand ends up on Jeonghan’s clothed erection, palming him softly.

“Touch me, Cheol..” Jeonghan breathes. “I want it. Please..” Seungcheol pressed a kiss on his nape as he slips Jeonghan off his pajama bottom. Seungcheol traces his leaking slit and wets the entire head. He holds the shaft while thumbing the precum off and Jeonghan trembles when he gives him the first stroke.

Seungcheol sits up suddenly and makes Jeonghan lay down on his back. He positions himself in between Jeonghan’s legs and places kisses on the insides of his thighs. Jeonghan thinks he’ll cum from just seeing Seungcheol’s face near his cock. Even more when Seungcheol takes him wholly.

Jeonghan threads his fingers with Seungcheol’s locks, pulling at it lightly when he feels him nearing the edge.

“Cheol..” Jeonghan gasps. “I want you..” Seungcheol releases his hardness with a last lick on the head. Jeonghan reaches on the bed side table and produces a packet of lube and condom. Seungcheol wets him and prods at his entrance all while kissing him all over. The sharp pain made him wince when Seungcheol first inserted a finger but he almost immediately forgot about it when his prostate was stimulated. Seungcheol pressed on it as he licks Jeonghan’s nipple and all these ministrations just felt too much for Jeonghan. It has been so long.

Seungcheol’s fingers then were soon replaced with his throbbing erection and Seungcheol filling his insides felt so much better than he expected.

They rock slowly— gently and Jeonghan shudders as he feels Seungcheol’s every inch sliding in and out of him in the most delicious way.

They didn’t last very long and Seungcheol wanted to blame it on the way Jeonghan gripped him— the way he took him so well, but he knew it was mostly because Jeonghan looked so heavenly writhing under him.

“This doesn’t complicate things between us, does it?” Seungcheol asks, breath still heavy as he pulls out and rolls over to his side.

“No it doesn’t.”

Oh how Jeonghan is so wrong about that.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First birthday fic. :> hopefully i can post more :)

“Im not too clingy, am i?” Jeonghan asks as he nuzzles closer to Seungcheol, burying his face on the latter’s neck. Seungcheol caresses his back and says “No Hannie.. you’re alright.”

So they’ve been hugging for hours now, what’s the big deal?

Jeonghan struggled to sleep since last night, worrying over an awards show. With the rating of his new drama on record low, he said he’s sure he will not make it to the list of nominated actors. “It will be okay, Hannie. Im sure it will work out.”

“I don’t know..” Jeonghan says weakly, hug becoming tighter. “If I don’t get nominated it will be the first time in 8 years that i’m not in the list.. I don’t think I’ll be okay with that.”

“But you did your best. You’re still doing your best. And maybe that’s what matters more.”

“Okay but can you please stay over tonight? I— I don’t think I can do it alone.” Jeonghan pulls away and looks at him with those pleading doe eyes. How can Seungcheol even refuse?

And besides, he practically lives here. What’s he got to lose?

“I’m not suffocating you, am i?” Jeonghan asks again. Seungcheol replies patiently, knowing Jeonghan’s tendency to want to make sure what he’s doing is okay. “I’m tougher than you think. Hug me as tight as you’d like, Hannie.” And although still a little hesitant, Jeonghan did just that.

“The message should come in any time now.” Jeonghan says as he glances at the clock. “I know i’m not getting it. I just know it.”

Seungcheol doesn’t say anything but brings Jeonghan closer to him, pressing on some random spots on his back in his best attempt for comfort.

Best attempt because damn he’s nervous too. In the months he’s worked for Jeonghan, he saw how despite the other’s worries and obstacles in his work, he does give his best 100% all the time. Jeonghan loves his craft and he’s amazing at it and seeing him getting anxious over something like this tugs at his heartstrings too.

“It’s not coming, Cheol..” Jeonghan bites his nails. “It’s not. I’m not in..” the worry in his eyes growing more evident as every second ticked by. Seungcheol stared at the black screen as if willing it to light up and get Jeonghan his most awaited announcement.

But it’s 15 past 11 and still nothing.

From how Seungcheol is hugging him, he could feel how Jeonghan’s body sunk— his head low and lips quivering. But Seungcheol doesn’t say anything about it, instead holds Jeonghan’s head and brings him in for a tight embrace. “Would you like me to carry you to the bed?” He was expecting Jeonghan to lean on his shoulder, like he would everytime he carries him but was surprised when the actor pulls away to stand. “I think… I need to be alone..” and then he makes his way to the bedroom, leaving Seungcheol alone and shocked at how that went.

He follows Jeonghan but was met with a locked door. “Hannie?”

On the other side of the door, Jeonghan is slumped on his bed. He wants to cry. He wants to just get it out of his system. The disappointment, the anger, the frustration… this yearly recognition is the only good thing he had going and to be completely snubbed out of it just feels…. He doesn’t even know how to explain it.

He hears Seungcheol knock again on the door and he immediately regrets the idea of shutting him out. But he was too embarrassed of himself to face him right now.. he feels so little.. so irrelevant. So he fishes his phone from the bedside table and sends his manager a message.

-

Seungcheol plops down on the bed. They barely did anything today compared to Jeonghan’s usual schedule but he felt more exhausted than he should be. Somehow, seeing the actor like that took its toll on him too. Jeonghan is usually pretty cheerful, although not much, but he has his own way of showing enthusiasm and Seungcheol feels privileged to be someone allowed to witness that. He’s read the articles online, Jeonghan is often portrayed as cold hearted and insensitive. It’s funny how the Jeonghan he knows is the exact opposite. Seungcheol wishes everyone would see Jeonghan the way he sees him. He’s beautiful and radiant and just so breath taking. The way his smiles convey his feelings, the scrunch he does with his nose when he’s excited or elated.. the twinkle in his eyes when he’s feeling mischievous.. Seungcheol thinks he’s the most beautiful person in the world. Especially when he’s all flushed and feverish and panting in his arms. When he’s stripped from all the pretense.. when he’s just him.

Seungcheol flings his arm to cover his eyes. He cannot stop thinking about Jeonghan. He cannot stop feeling how his small hands grasp his shirt and the way his breath brushes against his neck as they wait for the result earlier. Something in his chest tugs when he recalls how his lips quiver, or how his eyes were blank when he said he wanted to be alone. He didn’t want to leave him alone. He wanted to break apart the door and just scoop Jeonghan in his arms and embrace all the pain away.

But he couldn’t.

Although at times he seem to forget, at the end of the day, he’s just someone who works for Jeonghan. The boundaries stand there in bright red and he’s scared that if he goes past it then… then Jeonghan might hate him.

He couldn’t bear that thought.

So with reluctance, he left the actor’s suite as per instruction by his manager and was arranged accommodation in a nearby hotel.

‘ _Don’t worry, you will be paid despite the situation.’_ Seokmin’s words rang clear in his head but really, he couldn’t care less. All he wants to know is if Jeonghan’s alright.

-

Adding to his worries, he doesn’t hear from the actor for the next few days. He made sure to tune in the news and monitor the articles coming out online in hopes for an update. As expected, there were tons of article about the award show snub. Some articles say that maybe Jeonghan’s popularity is decreasing.. that it’s not how it used to be.. that maybe Jeonghan is losing his touch.

Seungcheol’s blood boil. How dare they say these things about Jeonghan?? How dare they attack him this way??

If it were up to Seungcheol he’d shield Jeonghan from all of these in any way he can and only shower him with the love and affection he so deserves. Why are people so cruel anyway?

He was mindlessly browsing through his phone when the television caught his eyes. There’s a huge picture of Jeonghan plastered in the 6pm news. He immediately turned up the volume.

“We can now confirm that the famous actor Yoon Jeonghan has withdrawn from the ongoing drama. This came days after his MAM awards snub. On an official letter by his agency, Yoon Jeonghan has revealed that he has pulled out from the drama he is currently starring in due to conflict of interest. He is also putting a hold on all his activities as of posting. He wishes to take a health break so he can come back as an even more excellent actor. Not much is known about the course of action he and his company will make following the announcement of his hiatus so please stay tuned to this developing story.”

Seungcheol didn’t waste any second and got up from the bed. He took his coat from the couch and rushed to the door only to stop dead on his tracks because—

“Jeonghan..”

There stood the man he’s been worried about for days now.

“From now on I am also hiring you as my designated driver. You will come with me, no questions asked.” Then Jeonghan throws the keys at him and walks away like it’s nothing. Seungcheol hurried to catch up on him.

Once in the car, Seungcheol noticed the bags at the back. “Where—“ but Jeonghan beat him to it. “There’s a pinned address on the navigation. It’s quite a drive so i’m going to sleep. Don’t wake me up.” Seungcheol is a bit taken aback with how the other is acting but the fake sleeping as they drive to their destination looks like a way to avoid any sort of confrontation so he stays quiet the whole drive, glancing at Jeonghan from time to time only to see him awake and staring blankly outside.

They didn’t exchange a single conversation on the road and three hours later they finally arrived to their destination.

It’s a beach house.

Jeonghan hops out of the car as fast as he could and made his way inside, leaving Seungcheol to tend to all their bags. Seungcheol noticed he packed quite a lot. Just how long is Jeonghan planning to stay here, really?

He had successfully unloaded the bags and settled them on a corner when he was suddenly spun around and pressed to the nearest wall. And then Jeonghan’s lips are on his— kissing him hungrily, aggressively like he’s been starved all his life.

Jeonghan’s mouth travels fast, leaving his lips for his jaw then his neck and then kissing every exposed skin as he undoes his shirt. If Seungcheol wouldn’t put too much thought into this, he’d let lust take over and allow Jeonghan to have his way. But Jeonghan’s eyes scream pain and loneliness so he holds the actor’s arms and wills him to stop. He brings him closer for a hug. “You don’t have to do this. I wont ask anything. Tell me only what you want to say or tell me nothing at all. It’s okay. I’ll still be here.” He feels Jeonghan surrender and melt into his embrace so he scoops him up and brings him to the couch.

They ended up laying down with Jeonghan on top of him, face pressed on his chest. Seungcheol didn’t mind the weight, there’s barely any since Jeonghan is a little lanky. He even feels like he lost some more weight with his jaw a bit more defined as usual.

Seungcheol caresses his hair, strokes it lightly while his free hand holds Jeonghan’s tight. The latter fell in steady breaths and Seungcheol is happy he’s finally really asleep. God knows how much sleep he’s actually had the last few days. Feeling the weight on his eyelids, he lets sleep take over him as well.

When he woke up, Jeonghan wasn’t on top of him anymore. And gone are the bright walls of the house. It’s dim and dark and quiet. “Jeonghan?” He calls out. When he got up, he spots the actor far on the shore, sitting there as waves crashed on his feet and the wind of the summer’s night kiss his skin.

Seungcheol sits beside him. “Oh you’re up.” Jeonghan says. “Sorry I dragged you here. I didn’t want to bring Seokmin and I don’t really know how to—“

“It’s okay. I’m glad you did.” And they exchanged glances and Seungcheol sees that small smile on Jeonghan’s lips. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I was so worried.” He was surprised when Jeonghan held his hand. “Thank you. There’s not a lot of people who are genuinely concerned about me.”

“I’m sure you heard about my decision to halt activities for the time being.” Seungcheol nodded. “Don’t worry, i’m still rich enough to pay you as per our contract.”

“You know I don’t care about that. _.” not anymore_.

“But i’m still paying you! So you better start hugging me now or im burning the contract as soon as I get inside the house.” Seungcheol wasted no time in pulling Jeonghan closer, even letting him sit on his lap. Jeonghan easily fits there as if Seungcheol’s body is made to fit him. They stare at the horizon.. at the endless sight of the sea right before them. Seungcheol thinks it’s the most peaceful he’s ever been. If it’s the perfect view or Jeonghan’s scent lingering under his nose that made him feel serene he isn’t quite sure yet, but it’s definitely one of the two.

“I bought this house years ago on a whim. I’ve been earning so much I didn’t know what to do with my money so one time when we passed by I told Seokmin I wanted this. Turns out it is for sale so I had him work out the paperworks and the next day, the key is with me. The sad thing is, I havent spent a single full day here. In a year i think i have at least five, maximum, of free days and all of those I spent locked in my house because coming here would be such a hassle. I never really had time for myself. I’ve been working since I was a kid, going to castings here and there, going to acting camps and when I finally made a breakthrough I was so happy I accepted everything that was on my grasp. In a way I think I took it all for granted. Especially when I rose to the top. I felt invincible and I thought there’s no way i’m going down. I’m still young. I’m at my peak and everybody wants me. But then I noticed I started becoming disconnected with people— with society. I begun hating the mere thought of being with anyone because I spent my entire life trying to please everyone. Trying to make them see me as the perfect guy they project me to be. It’s exhausting. It hurts to smile. It hurts to laugh. It hurts to feel. Because in this industry, I learned that no matter how good you treat them, they will always, always talk bad behind your back. So when I realized that I stopped connecting altogether and I built this wall around me. That’s when they started saying I was difficult because I went from the over eager, pleaser Yoon Jeonghan to this cold persona I have right now. I didn’t want to bother getting attached to anyone because I didn’t want to get hurt. This year in particular was tough. I was in the spotlight a lot and not for the reasons I want to be. Producers stopped calling me, some actors I worked with before have been spreading rumors about me and the staffs fuel that too. In short, i’m black listed. I knew it for some time now but not getting nominated made it official. I won that award for 8 straight years. It was my pride. It’s all I had. It’s the only indication that I was doing alright. You may think it’s petty, but for someone as lonely as me, little things like that matter a lot. But now it’s gone. The drama is going to be discontinued but theyre still asking me to pay up for breach of contract. I’m sure right now they’re holding a press conference expressing how unprofessional I am for pulling out of it mid-shooting. I also cancelled all of my advertisements. I feel bad for Seokmin. He’s dealing with all these while i’m here busy getting comfy with you. It’s going to cost me a lot and yet I think it’s the best decision i’ve ever made.”

Seungcheol buries his face on Jeonghan’s nape. He didn’t know what to say. Jeonghan rarely opens up like this willingly and for him to feel comfortable enough to reveal that much… Seungcheol is scared he’ll say the wrong things.. So all the words he couldn’t say, he translated into action. When Jeonghan squeezed his hand, he knew the other understood.

“Thank you Cheol.” Jeonghan whispers. They sat there for a while, enjoying the peace and quiet they both desperately need.

Then suddenly Jeonghan cranks a joke. “This is so depressing. Can we start making out now?” Seungcheol laughs softly and bites him on the shoulder. Jeonghan playfully yelps and hits his thigh. Seungcheol reaches for his face, turning it to meet his and capturing his lips in a slow, gentle kiss.

Seungcheol picks him up and he encircles his arms around the other’s neck, trying to get as much warmth as possible while his mouth busies itself leaving open mouthed kisses on Seungcheol’s jaw. He hears Seungcheol kick the door open and a few more steps got them to the foot of the bed. Seungcheol lays him gently and then hovers above him, their faces close but merely touching. Jeonghan sticks his tongue out to trail Seungcheol’s lower lip. The other man lets out an appreciative moan and then captures his lips in a deep kiss. Jeonghan takes this opportunity to switch their positions, now straddling Seungcheol’s crotch, feeling him half hard through his shorts. He moves on top of him, brushing their erections together all while their gazes remain locked. Jeonghan leans down to press a kiss on Seungcheol and then he whispers, “Make me forget.” Another kiss. “I want to forget everything that hurts.” Seungcheol cups his face and wipes a tear on his cheek. “I will, Hannie. From now on, it’s just you and me.”

-

Seungcheol stirs in his sleep when he felt that the space beside him is empty. “Hannie?” There’s no answer. He grabs the towel nearby and wraps it around his waist. Heading out of the room, he hears Jeonghan humming and—- cooking?

“Oh! You’re up!” Jeonghan beams. “I had Seokmin get us some groceries earlier. Come, sit.” Seungcheol does as told. “I feel better today. Maybe all I needed was to be dicked down good.” Jeonghan snickers and then he placed down a plate of what seemed to be— eggs and bacon— Seungcheol isnt really sure. “You’re doomed. I suck at cooking.” Seungcheol can tell. He isnt much of a good cook as well, but Jeonghan just managed to make eggs look inedible. He cant deny he’s a little _scared_.

As expected, the eggs were horrible. But Jeonghan’s doe eyes and the spark that’s in there.. anticipating his praises looked too beautiful to disappoint so Seungcheol takes it like a man and finishes it all. “Just how I like it!” He exclaims as soon as he finished. Jeonghan claps and drinks his lemon tea. “Okay! I’ll cook for lunch then! I’m thinking—“

“No!” Uh-oh, Seungcheol’s rejection came too fast and too aggressive. “I mean, I was thinking maybe we can go explore the seafood market nearby and eat there? What do you think?” _Please say yes please say yes._

Jeonghan looked like he’s contemplating. “I’ve never been to a seafood market before..” Seungcheol notices he actually looks a little frightened. “Do you promise to hold my hand all the time?” He asks.

Seungcheol smiles warmly at him, tipping his chin a little, he says “I promise.”

-

“Seungcheol I think you should carry me.” Jeonghan tugs at the hem of his shirt. They’ve only been a few steps in and already Jeonghan is in a state of panic. “The floor is _wet_.”

“Hannie.. this is a seafood market.. of course the floor will be wet.” He’s too cute, Seungcheol thinks to himself.

“Well it shouldnt be wet because my shoes can’t be wet. I am wearing a $650 Balenciaga sneakers and $650 sneakers arent supposed to get wet.”

“I did say to dress down?” Seungcheol tilts his head to the side, earning a death glare from Jeonghan. “This is dressed down. I don’t have anything else because going to the seafood market wasn’t in my agenda when I thought of coming here. I planned to sulk in style.” Just then, a splash of water came from a nearby stall and there goes Jeonghan’s fancy sneakers. Seungcheol smiled sheepishly, knowing fully well that if only Jeonghan wasn’t disguising himself, then he would have made a scene.

With the sneaker situation somehow started, they finally resumed walking. Jeonghan, despite his annoyance, has been holding onto Seungcheol so tight. He says he’s afraid someone will pull him away and throw him over their shoulder. Seungcheol holds him back as tightly, even occasionally holding him by the hips. “Whoa what the fuck is that!” Jeonghan suddenly exclaims, pointing to a man holding out a humongous crab. The older man laughs softly, amused at the serious frightened face of actor. He doesn’t even need to see under the mask, Jeonghan’s eyes tell him everything. “That’s a king crab Hannie. I heard they’re in season.” Seungcheol pulls him to that stall. “Can we hold it?” Jeonghan slaps his arm. The old man gives Seungcheol the crab and he can only marvel at how huge it was. Jeonghan is mortified. “Come Hannie! Try! Here you hold this—“

“I swear to God if you bring that near me—“

But it’s too late because Seungcheol has already stretched out his arms and passed him the crab. Jeonghan was having an internal conflict of throwing it away or putting it down or asking it to clip Seungcheol in half. “See! That’s not so bad, is it??” Jeonghan puts it as far away from him as possible but the longer he holds it the more amazing it looks. Soon, he’s actually watching it closely as it slowly moves its limbs. He cannot help but be amazed.

Jeonghan was so lost in his own little world with the crab that he didn’t notice Seungcheol had fished out his phone and snapped a picture of him. The older man looks at him warmly. He hopes Jeonghan is always this happy.

“How much is it?” Seungcheol asks and was stunned upon finding out that the new friend Jeonghan made costs a whopping 80,000 won. That’s a little above his budget is he’s being honest. “70?” Jeonghan suddenly asks. The old man looked a little hesitant, but agreed anyway, saying it’s difficult to sell a crab that expensive. Jeonghan made little victory noises and eagerly thanked the fisherman then moves to the next stall, totally without care of his $650 sneakers. Seungcheol watches in awe as Jeonghan bargains with the sellers, even going as far as calling out customers for the stalls. He looked like he’s having fun.

“I’m starving, Cheol.” Jeonghan says, a little breathless from all that moving around he did. “Should we head back home?”

“Oh, we can actually eat this here. There— we can ask them to cook it for us.”

“Huh? Like a personal chef?”

Seungcheol nod and pulls him to that direction. He hands the crab and other seafood they bought to the cook. “You’ll make them really tasty, wouldn’t you?”

After a good half an hour, they’re finally served with the food. “Alright! Let’s dig in!” But Jeonghan stops him. “No wait! Oh Cheol..” Jeonghan actually looks flustered. “I’m telling you nicely because I like you and your dick game is good but… we’re actually supposed to wait for the chef to cut up the food for us.”

Seungcheol is dumbfounded. “Huh?”

“You said we have a private chef?”

“I didn’t say that. I said they can cook it for us.”

“That’s pretty much the same thing.”

“It isnt.” Seungcheol laughs. “Oh Hannie. Right now, we’re in my world and here, we don’t get spoon fed or babied and people will definitely not cut up food for you.” He snaps a leg off. “But since you praised my dick and I like you too, then i’ll do the cutting just for you.” Jeonghan hid his blush by stuffing his mouth with crab meat and boy was his world changed. The crab tasted magical. “I cant believe I pay twice the amount for small portions at high end restaurants. Capitalism at its finest.” Seungcheol had a hard time understanding him because his mouth was so full. “We’re eating here again tomorrow.” Jeonghan declared.

Well stuffed and now feeling sleepy, they decided to head home. On their way out, Seungcheol was surprised that Jeonghan has asked him to go on ahead. Worried that the actor will get into trouble, he followed him back inside from a distance. Then he finds him on the same stall they bought the crab from. He’s handing the fisherman something and the latter looked shocked and was refusing. In the end, he took it and Jeonghan bowed deeply to him. Seungcheol was is much awe he didn’t even bother hiding. “What did—“

“It’s just a small thank you.” Jeonghan downplays it. Word travels fast though because Seungcheol hears from the vendor closest to him that the fisherman was given 200,000 won. Seungcheol’s eyes widened and he looked at the fisherman who’s crying on his spot.

“Cheollie let’s go.” Jeonghan pulls him away. The entire ride, they were both quiet with Seungcheol stunned and Jeonghan feeling moved.

That night, Seungcheol was first to settle in their bed. Jeonghan followed shortly, looking so beautiful in his cream night gown. Seungcheol was quick to bring him closer, taking in the scent of Jeonghan’s body wash and he feels lightheaded because how does one manage to smell that good?

“I wanna thank you for today.” Jeonghan mumbles. “It’s the first time I felt like that… like I was normal.” Seungcheol squeezes the hand placed on top of his chest, “I cant forget how the old man looked. How tight he held my hand and how he thanked me endlessly.. he said he was worried his daughter might not continue studying because they werent financially capable and that the money I gave him will be for her.. and there I was having fun with the crab he worked so hard for. I hate that for me it’s an experience but for others it’s their only means of survival.. I cant believe i’m sulking over people who talk shit behind my back when there are people with actual problems.. struggling to get by day to day.. It made me realize a lot of things.. that I should take things for granted. That I have so much to be thankful for.”

“Don’t invalidate your own struggles, Hannie. We all have our own battles. Yours isnt any lighter just because you’re well off. It’s just as difficult. But i’m really happy that you had so much realization over a simple trip to the market. You looked like you had so much fun. On top of that, you changed someone’s life today.”

“I wouldn’t call it that..”

Seungcheol threads his fingers through Jeonghan’s hair. “Believe me Hannie, it’s exactly that.” Jeonghan looks up and they lock gazes for a while, then Seungcheol closes the distance and claims his lips on a gentle kiss. One that soothes and affirms.. one that is comforting.

“Don’t let me go, okay?” Jeonghan mumbles, words starting to slur a little with sleep creeping up to him. Seungcheol pressed a kiss on his forehead and hugged him tighter, “Never.”

-

“I know Seok.. just.. just give me a few more days. No, i’m alright. I just— i’m actually starting to feel a lot better. I need this momentum for a little while more.. I promise i’ll sort everything out when I get back..” Seungcheol hears Jeonghan, pacing on the living room, massaging his temples and biting his lip. “How bad is it?” He lets out an exhasperated sigh. “Okay. I’ll call you as soon as i’ve decided. Yeah, yeah. Okay I know stop nagging geez. Yep byeeeeee Seokmin!!!”

“You alright?”

“Could be better.” Jeonghan goes back to the kitchen. “I’m cooking breakfast by the way..” horror washed over Seungcheol. Not those eggs again!! He had to think fast to save his life. And he smirks knowing full well how to distract the _not_ -aspiring chef.

He stands behind him, holding him on the hips for starters. He blows hot air onto Jeonghan’s nape causing the other to giggle. “You look so sexy cooking.” His hands travel inside Jeonghan’s shirt and he yelps when Seungcheol suddenly yanks down his shorts, “Can I have you for breakfast?” And before Jeonghan can even react, Seungcheol has already kneeled behind him, making him lean forward in the process so his ass prods back, granting Seungcheol his needed access.

“What are you— _oh_!” Jeonghan feels it. _It_. Seungcheol tongue. On him. Licking him _there_ — teasing, massaging, encircling and just— doing things. Seungcheol spreads him further apart and he’s too stunned to actually say something— well that and also because it just feels so fucking good.

Seungcheol alternates biting and massaging his cheeks. Jeonghan is rendered incoherent at this point, what with the way Seungcheol’s mouth is working on him and his hands— his fucking hands are everywhere. Jeonghan notes he deserves a treat for eating him so well.

He yelps again, this time, because Seungcheol spun him around, carried him and settled him on the dining table. Oh breakfast it is indeed.

Seungcheol takes his sweet time preparing him, much to his frustration and he coos him to “hurry the fuck up because i want you buried in me 5 seconds ago.” Seungcheol chuckles hearing him like this but gives hi what he wants. He lets out a guttural moan when the older man pushes in for the first time and the moans grow into whimpers as Seungcheol consistently hits the right spot. 

He keeps his eyes on Seungcheol as the charcoal-colored hair man penetrates him— body and soul it seems— the way his jaw clenches, his wide shoulders and the small beads of sweat trailing down his incredibly gorgeous neck. Seungcheol’s mouth is parted slightly, sometimes his lips purse as if trying to hold back the beautiful sounds wanting to escape from it. Jeonghan has a nick for beautiful people and this— this Choi Seungcheol.. he’s pretty beautiful.

They finish at the same time. Seungcheol slumps on top of him as they both catch their breaths. Soon, he was led to the bathroom, his back against Seungcheol’s chest. “I don’t want to go back yet.” He mumbles. “Me too.” And then he remembers falling asleep on the tub.

-

Seungcheol can count on one hand the few happy moments he’s had in life. Funnily enough, he’s only known Jeonghan for half a year and yet, the number of those happy moments have surprisingly increased. While yes, at first, he’s really only in this for the money, but then as time went by and the more he spent it with Jeonghan, the more he doesn’t care about getting his monthly payment. There’s just something about him— something he never felt from his old clients before— and it pulls him in. Pulled him hard and strong and suddenly, holding Jeonghan didn’t feel like work anymore.

He knows it. He’s been feeling it for some time now, but he keeps shoving the thoughts away because he’s too afraid Jeonghan would notice and he’d hate him. Seungcheol can live without the money.

But he cannot live without Jeonghan.

Because there’s no way he’d trade anything else over getting to look at Jeonghan the way he’s looking at him right now. All peaceful and asleep in his arms, cute little quiet snores, skin glowing ever so lightly in their dim lit room.. he’d do everything to protect Jeonghan. To make sure he’d never feel alone. To make sure he’d always feel loved because that’s what he deserves.

He brushes a stray hair away from the sleeping man’s beautiful face and leans in closer. “I love you.” He whispers.

-

Jeonghan wants nothing but to laze around in bed all day. They have to go back tomorrow and just the mere thought of it makes him want to bury his head underground. Although going back doesn’t mean he has to work right away, he definitely has a lot of things to sort out. Some things have worked nicely thanks to Seokmin, but there are still a lot he has to take care of personally.

How he wish he can just stay here with Seungcheol. Away from all the commotion. Away from everything else that hurts him.

But it’s his life, no matter how much he hates it. And maybe it’s time to face it rather than hide and run away. Maybe it’s time to make his life bearable. After all, it’s different now. He has Seungcheol now, despite how weird their working set up is, he really is so much better with him around.

But until when? What if Seungcheol gets tired of him? What if he’s too despicable that even the absurd amount of money wont stop Seungcheol from leaving him? What then? It’s funny how his life turned out. Now he has to pay someone to stay with him.

How pitiful.

“Hannie? I’ll do a quick run to the store, wanna come?” He hears Seungcheol’s voice from downstairs. “Nope!” He shouts back.

A few minutes later, he remembers he needed something so he calls Seungcheol but the other man isn’t answering. Frowning, he got up and headed downstairs, finding Seungcheol’s phone on the couch. He takes it, meaning to put it on too of the table, but a message catches his attention.

-

Seungcheol half runs to the house, holding some kimbap and a pack of Jeonghan’s favorite strawberry milk. When he got inside, he immediately called out to Jeonghan but the other didn’t reply. He checks in their room and he was surprised to see the other one packing up.

“Hey what’s wrong? Arent we supposed to leave tomorrow?”

“I cant stay with you one more day.”

“What?”

“And I don’t want to keep you from seeing your other client. Our contract is terminated. I will not charge you anything despite you having another client besides me but I don’t want to see you ever again.” He zips up the luggage and tries to go past Seungcheol on the door but the other caught him by the wrist.

“Jeonghan— what.. I don’t understand! What other client??”

“Why don’t you ask yourself?? Drop the dumb act Seungcheol I may be fucked up but i’m not stupid!” Jeonghan is on the verge of tearing up. He has to leave now or he will breakdown. “Go back to your Yipeul! He says he misses you!” And then it hit Seungcheol.

“Y-you went through my phone?”

“I wish I hadn’t! I know we’re not together in a way that’s ideal. I know you’re only with me because I pay you but I thought we had an understanding that when you work for me, you only work for me. But you’re too greedy and cant help but to get other clients huh? Why? Is it because you’re worried I wont be able to afford to pay you now that my career is a disaster? Of course you had to make sure huh, you greedy piece of shit!”

Seungcheol was gutted. In all the times he’s been with Jeonghan, he had never— never heard him talk like this. And Yipeul—he would want to explain about that but after hearing Jeonghan call him all sorts of names, why bother? He may be poor and lonely but he has dignity. Which is why this is unacceptable. “I can’t believe that’s what you think of me.” Seungcheol says, looks at Jeonghan with so much hurt. “And to think I fell in love with you..” he shakes his head with regret. “You know what, stay, i’ll leave.” And then he turns to get his bag and passes Jeonghan by the doorway. Jeonghan was left stunned, still processing what happened. Still processing if he had heard correctly.

Looks like he just ruined the only good thing left for him.

-

Surprisingly— and weirdly enough— things arent as bad now as it was weeks ago when the whole news broke out. Jeonghan gives props to his agency for actually handling something well for once— a huge chunk of that gratitude solely for Seokmin, he makes a mental note to not be too much of a brat to his manager who looked like he’s aged 10 years on the short amount of time he wasn’t around. The advertisements also did not fall through, only postponed. The drama however, was ultimately cancelled, but not entirely because of Jeonghan. Apparently, staffs had raised a concern of being overworked and underpaid. Some of them had also made a statement about the director and producers asking Jeonghan to do scenes he was uncomfortable with, ultimately leading to him pulling out. With his claims now having a back up, people started understanding why he did what he did.

All of these led to an opportunity for a tell-all interview which is why he’s here, right now, getting ready to start shooting.

“Jeonghan?” He hears Seokmin come in. “Can you give us a moment?” He tells the staffs to head out for a minute. Jeonghan stares at him on the mirror and sees him carrying a box. “What’s up?”

Seokmin sat beside him. “So I spoke with Seungcheol.”

“I don’t want to hear it.”

“You should.” Seokmin says firmly and in all the years he’s worked for Jeonghan, he rarely does firm well so Jeonghan looked at him, glaring but wills him to go on anyway.

“We didn’t talk much. I asked him what happened since you wont tell me. Much to my frustration, he didn’t say much too but he handed me this.” Seokmin gave him the box. Jeonghan opened it to see all the things he’s given Seungcheol ever since he started working for him and his paychecks as well. “You should have not accepted these. I gave this to him already. Why would he—“

“Apparently, he was going to give it back to you anyway.. well right after he confesses..”

Jeonghan tries not to dwell on it too much. It’s done. Over. So over before it actually begun. “Just give him all these back. The money— he needs it.”

“I don’t think you understand what this means, Jeonghan.”

The actor turns to face his manager. “What then, enlighten me.”

“He loves you. He does. I can see it in his eyes. He said it’s only a misunderstanding but he did get hurt from the things you said and knowing you, i’m not surprised. You say pretty mean things when you’re upset and he’s only human too. Him giving all these back means he’s not after your money or whatever riches you have. It’s difficult to find someone as genuine, Jeonghan and I think you’re making a mistake by letting him go..”

“Seok i—“

“Yoon Jeonghan-ssi we’re ready for you.” The producer came in.

“Think about it, okay? I know where he is. Let me know if you wanna see him.”

-

The stage lights blind him, it feels like forever since he last did a sit down interview. He’s been avoiding it really. But this time he thinks it should be done.. to just get it off his chest and to clear things out once and for all. He needed to do this.

“Jeonghan-ssi, thank you for being here.” Dawon, the interviewer, shook his hand. “Please feel free to skip any questions you’re not comfortable answering okay? You ready to start?” Jeonghan clears his throat and nods.

They started as how all interviews usually start. Asking how he was, what he did during his short hiatus, how it affected him, what were the takeaways.. Jeonghan tried to answer everything as truthfully as he could. When asked about his plans for his future projects.. “I’m planning to accept projects which I think will contribute to my growth as an actor. I love my craft. This has been my passion ever since which is why no matter how tough it gets and no matter the countless times I think about quitting, I just cant. But I think I got a little too burnt out because I tried to do so many things all at once it hit me hard and I didn’t realize it. I also want to do projects where artists can have a day on the overall output, you know? To have that sense of artistic freedom, I think that would be nice. Someone also told me that it’s okay to say no. That it’s alright to prioritize myself over other people’s thoughts and I guess i’ll try to live on that.”

“That someone must have a lot of effect on you huh?” Dawon jokingly suggested. Jeonghan hesitated at first, but Seokmin’s words rang clear in his head so he breathes “Yeah, he does.”

“He does? A male, and a present tense? Are we talking about a someone special in your life then?”

Jeonghan hums, “I— he’s special yes, but I think I scared him off.” Jeonghan laughs to cover the hurt he felt upon recalling how Seungcheol looked at him that day. What’s weird is, he’s usually not someone to dwell on it. He’s so used to people upset with him. But somehow.. with Seungcheol.. he cant seem to forget it. What’s worse is it’s affecting him so much. And maybe… maybe, Jeonghan now knows why.

“Uhm— i’m sure you guys can work things out.”

“You know what—“ Jeonghan stands up. “I’m sorry, I hope you got enough content. I need to go .” He finds Seokmin gaping behind the director so he goes to him first. “Seok, i’m fixing it. I want to fix it.”

His manager’s gaping mouth slowly turned into a smile— a proud one. He nodded. “I’ll send you his address.”

-

“Fuck!” Jeonghan slammed his hands on the steering wheel. Seungcheol’s not home. He went up the apartment and the neighbor said he saw him leave earlier that day.

He starts the car, frustrated because he has no idea where to look for the older man. Now he has no choice but to head home. Maybe he can come back tomorrow.

“Seok, no calls for me today.” He tells his manager over the phone. Usually, Seokmin would whine about it and tell him off, but knowing what happened, he agreed and told Jeonghan to just rest.

However, the moment he stepped outside the elevator, he froze on his spot. “Seungcheol?”

There he was— the person he’s looking for. The man he’s longing to hold. “Cheol!” He calls louder this time and their eyes finally met. “Hey, sorry I came here without—“ but Seungcheol doesn’t finish because Jeonghan had closed the distance between them and had enveloped him in a tight embrace. “I went to find you but you weren’t there!” Jeonghan is sobbing. Seungcheol laughs that familiar laugh Jeonghan loves so much. “I was looking for you too. The guards wouldn’t let me come up at first but i asked them to call Seokmin and he gave the go—“

Jeonghan pulled away. “Seok knows??” Seungcheol nodded. Why that little… so that’s why he was pretty dismissive huh?

Jeonghan hurriedly unlocked the door and pulled Seungcheol inside. He was leading them to the couch but Seungcheol pulls him halfway and hugs him again. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left you that day. I shouldn’t have left at all..”

Jeonghan hugs him back. He exhales as his hands savor the familiar feeling of Seungcheol’s muscular back. God he missed him. “I’m the one who’s sorry. I was awful to you. I should have listened to you first.”

“But you did hear me say something, didn’t you?” Seungcheol mumbles as he buries his face on the crook of Jeonghan’s neck.

“I did…” Jeonghan pulls away. “But just in case I heard it wrong the first time… can you maybe… say it again?” Seungcheol smiles at him, eyes teasing. “I’m in love with you, Yoon Jeonghan.”

“You’re not going to walk away again after saying that, are you?”

“Of course not. In fact, I am about to pick you up and carry you to the bed with the intention of keeping you there as long as I could.” Before Jeonghan can even process that, Seungcheol has already swooped him off and with big strides got him to the bed. Jeonghan hates wasting time so he busied himself with unbuttoning Seungcheol’s shirt and feeling every inch of skin exposed. “Touch me Cheol. Please. I need you.”

“Wait.. about Yipeul..”

“I don’t care.. just—“

“No.. Hannie listen. Im telling you now because I don’t want to hide anything from you.”

“Okay but must it be right before we have amazing sex?” Jeonghan whines.

Seungcheol caresses his face. “He was a previous client. He helped me out a lot that’s why we stayed in contact even after the contract ended. He’s getting married soon and he just wanted to meet up for old time’s sake. I was going to say no.. but you never had to worry about him, Hannie. We.. we weren’t like that. Not like us. Okay?”

“So in short I overreacted.” Jeonghan states as a matter of factly, causing Seungcheol to snicker. “I’d rather call it jealousy.” Jeonghan slaps his chest and makes a move to push him away but Seungcheol hold his hands up above his head and leans to say, “You’re not going anywhere.. not when I havent touched you in days..”

“Then what’s taking you so long to get to it?” Jeonghan challenged him. It’s safe to say Seungcheol took him on. Clothes were shed as fast as it can go, all while exchanging messy kisses. Seungcheol riled him up even more by talking. “I cant wait to be so deep inside you Hannie.”

Jeonghan is at his limit. Seungcheol says that but at the same time is taking his sweet time with foreplay. Which is usually a good thing but not now. Not when he’s been deprived of Seungcheol for the longest time ever since they met. “I swear to God Seungcheol if you’re not inside me in the next 5 seconds I will flip us over and I will—“ before he can even finish, Seungcheol has filled him up. It’s the second best feeling in the world, really. First would still be being wrapped in a possessive embrace by this man. After all, Seungcheol does give the best-est hugs.

Jeonghan clung to him as much as he could. Crying out in pleasure and ecstasy. Crying out because Seungcheol is his.

When they finished, the older man pressed their foreheads together. Jeonghan giggles and says “I love you.” Which made Seungcheol recover from his high faster than he usually does. Looking at Jeonghan with big shot eyes “You—“

“I said it first!” Jeonghan says triumphantly.

“No you didn’t. I’ve been saying it while you’re sleeping back in the beach house.”

It’s Jeonghan’s turn to be surprised. Seungcheol just grinned. “Pull out.” He says, glaring.

Seungcheol buried himself even deeper. “Nope.”

“I said—“

“And I said there’s no getting out of this bed today. Especially now that I know you love me.”

“I take it back.” Jeonghan snaps his head to the side, pouting. _Cute_ , Seungcheol thinks. He thrusts in sharp inside Jeonghan, catching the other off guard because when and how did Seungcheol recover that fast?

“Cheol please…” Jeonghan writhes under him— face flushed and skin glistening with sweat. So beautiful.

“I love you, Jeonghan.” Seungcheol says as he buries himself. “I love you so much.”

Jeonghan kisses him and hopes all his love is translated in that small gesture. “I love you too.”

-

Jeonghan walks back to the bedroom, stopping by the door as he takes in the sight of Seungcheol sleeping so soundly. It’s the most peaceful view he’s ever seen.

He takes quiet steps and gently climbs up the bed. Seungcheol stirred and out of habit reaches for him. Jeonghan allows himself to be brought in. He feels warm all over as Seungcheol’s firm arms enveloped him and really, this is all he’ll ever need. This is his safe place— the only arms he’ll ever want to be in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pleaaaaase let me know if that’s okay!!! I took so long to finish this i hope it’s worth it! I didnt want to add a lot of angst because i wanted this to be a feel good fic. I hope it ended well!! 
> 
> Please let me know your thoughts! I thrive off it! 
> 
> Also! Sorry i dont think i’ll be able to post all the fics i promised for my birthday tomorrow, but! I’m planning for at least one more :)

**Author's Note:**

> Comments will make me happy ❤️


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